Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Mangina: From Rags to Riches

One of the PeP's contributors has arrived. Why, it was only a few weeks ago that Mandingo, with barely a cent to his name, U-Hauled all of his worldly possessions and, with his new wife, started a new life in D.C. And now he's got something to write to the world about: a salary. It has allowed him to join a gym and clean his ass with plush, three-ply toilet paper, which is one of those luxuries of the rich and famous that is more trouble than functional, as it fails to prevent after-shower "rust stains." But no matter, he'll just buy a new towel when he finds that his is just rust (better not buy a red one).

But more importantly, he's found that a salary has given him time to reflect on the symbolism of his hair, which is thinning as fast as his youth is (symbolically) fading, leaving only a faint semblance, a dried husk, of his former, thick-haired, toilet-paper stealing self. For some people, their hair seems to thin in proportion to the profundity of their thinking, growing grey as they ponder an ageing world. Not Mandingo. He finds that the thickness of his hair is directly proportional to the "symbol of" the fecundity of his male generative powers. He laments that his hair may no longer signal that he is potent and generative.

What will people think? I don't know what people think of Mandingo's hair. But if they read his postings, from his first to his latest, they might think that he, to quote Xtra, "has managed to unwittingly emasculate himself before our eyes with his recent spate of pathetic, wimpering posts. Thus...[the] more fitting [name]: manGINA!"

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