Monday, June 06, 2005

Grand Old Day: Divinely Inspired?

Two of the PEP's crack correspondents attended the Grand Old Day festivities yesterday in beautiful St. Paul, Minn., and the event left one (myself) pondering the spirituality of the drunken escapade. Think about it: Grand Old Day. Put those three letters together and you have G-O-D.

This leads me to wonder about the real nature of Grand Old Day. A few conspiracy theories:
  • Grand Old Day is secretly sponsored by fundamentalist evangelicals who wish to raise money on the backs of the libidinous. Thus, they turn around the sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll ethos and use it to their advantage. They use ultra-embedded operatives who blend in with the crowd and ensure no one discovers the truth. This would explain Dean, the 45ish pony-tailed man in a baseball cap with a whiny lisp, who followed us home from The Hold Steady show and consistently referred the that band as Lifter Puller, which they haven't been known as since 2000. I know, I know...very interesting.
  • Grand Old Day is a clandestine experiment funded by the Archdiocese of Saint Paul and Minneapolis used to determine the viability of Thomas Aquinas' arguments in favor of drunkenness. Well, maybe not quite in favor of drunkenness, but close.
  • Grand Old Day really is a divine occurrence in which GOD (or "I Am" in Hebrew) allows those made in his image to enjoy His creations such as sunlight, the fermentation of hops and barley, and the miraculous taste of deep-fried cheese. The Big Man was evidently upset about something, however, when Har Mar Superstar hit the Dixie's stage and the skies tore open and unleashed an unpleasant downpour, which undoubtedly caught PEP correspondent Ilya as he walked to his car. At least there was no pestilence.

Are you down with G-O-D? Yeah, you know me.


Ilya said...

There can be but one word for this post: blasphemy.

Winnie Cooper said...

This wasn't the history of Grand Old Day that I expected to find by following the Underblog link; nonetheless, good stuff!