Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Crystal Pickle Jar Gazing

My esteemed colleague Ilya and I just finished a "working" meal over at Moti Mahal (Indian restaurant on the corner of Franklin and 31st...I'd recommend it), which consisted of bloviating for quite some time, brainstorming some changes to the PeP, and of course, coming up with the illustrious Pie-Eyed Pickle of the Week. Unfortunately, there is not a whole lot going on now that the press corps is obsessed with spic-and-span Judge John Roberts and the the Discovery space shuttle launch (non-event of the year!). So instead, we're introducing a new segment: Crystal Pickle Jar Gazing.

Maybe because we have nothing better to talk about, maybe because we're just plain infatuated with this stuff, maybe for no other reason than for our pure enjoyment, Ilya and I have decided to conjure up spirits from the past and ask them about the future. The future of what, you ask? Why, the 2008 presidential candidate field, of course!

Ok, I'm looking into our Crystal Pickle Jar now. It's cloudy, very cloudy. And a strange neon green pigment. But wait...what is this...the Democratic candidates are coming into view.

Let's see, who's this? It's Hillary Clinton, of course! With Bill and Chelsea in tow. Oh, wouldn't it be great to have the Clintons in the White House. It would be just like the '90s, except without the economic boon and grunge music.

Who do we have next here? This one is a little fuzzy. Hmmm, ah yes, it's John Kerry! Sure, you'd think the guy wouldn't run after losing to a president running for reelection with the lowest approval rating in history. But, wait, what's this behind him? Oh no, it looks like a train wreck.

And here comes John Edwards! And his sunny disposition isn't affected one bit by the curiously strong dill of the Crystal Pickle Jar.

Now we have a gray-hair in a blue sweater vest...must be Wes Clark! Hopefully, he'll get his stump speech down this time. Or at least his soundbites.

They're coming much faster now...I see Evan Bayh, senator from Indiana...and look over there, it's Tom Vilsack, governor of Iowa...and there's Joe Lieberman; I know it's him because his mouth is moving but I can't hear the words. And there's Carol Moseley Braun swimming around the edge of the jar with Dennis "The Kooch" Kucinich! Oh my, I miss those two! Yikes, everyone look out! There's a shark in the Crystal Pickle Jar!

No, wait. It's just Al Sharpton.

So there you have it, folks. The Democratic field for the 2008 presidential election. Should be a goodie! The Crystal Pickle Jar never lies. Stay tuned for next time when we have the Republican field!


wowie said...

Crystal Pickle Jar Gazing...give me a break.

Ilya said...

Yeah, it's a good one, eh?

PiedPiper said...

Hey-I was desperate.