Monday, April 17, 2006

Catching Up With: The Human Chocolate Orchid

The World is a much better and safer place with Fancy Ray McCloney, People's Champion/Freedom Fighter/Cable Access denizen/Pitchman/Internet Forum spawner.
He's at once a populist champion around the Twin Cities and something of a local pariah. Either way, the man has enriched this great state beyond compare.
If I could spend the night in bed with this maniac, my world, and worldview would be utterly shattered and complete at the same time. Imagine for a second...the guy does everything from unicycle, to collect Jane Mansfield memorabilia, to run for governor, to stand-up, to big butts of transgendered she/he's. My life seems quotidian in comparison and the man is nothing short of inspirational. Fancy says he's named after his grandpappy, Fancy Wade, but also goes by the monikers, "The Human Chocolate Orchid" and "The Best Lookin' Man in Comedy".
Dudes, Fancy Ray is the fun-loving shit! He's out in California right now puruing the American dream. We miss you, Ray.

Here are some collected gems from his myspace message postings. Butter often seems to be an erotic accent of choice and he always responds to the ladies.
  • To Sharon: " Hey PrettyGirl, How am I?
    I feel like a piece of Butter on a Pancake!
    My, My, My~
    With Sweet and Sticky Hugs."
  • To Ms. Cleo: "Ms. Cleo, When do I get 2 Butter your Tarot Cards?
    I LUB Very Much!"
  • To Janet: "You sent me a friends request, and I saw your picture with the Red Stripe (resting atop Janet's ass). Friends? Shheet...
    If you can fit a WHOLE 6 pack up there -
    I'll MARRY YOU!!!
    my, my, my~"
  • To Jane (a bentover, obese pornstar type woman. His messages to her are somewhat salacious but innocent nonetheless): " How do you like your popcorn-
    Plain or Buttered?"; (and) "Sweet Jade, You may think I'm "scary
    I may cause you fright,
    but trust me when I say -
    I can make you Smile ALL Night"

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

When God made ME - I slide out of 'the mold', cause it was BUTTERED!!!