Tuesday, November 29, 2005

The Donald Trump rolls out a new Line of Vodka



"For the heavy drinker and the glutton will come to poverty, and drowsiness will clothe a man with rags". (Proverbs 23:17-21)

Or, more like it ...

"Let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more." (Proverbs 31:7)


If you haven't already heard by now, the man and
his hairmat have plans
to roll out a new
line of vodka, Trump Ice in the near future.

We now see Trump's evil genius.
It's a well-established fact (with
which we became
intimately aware of when working at Ramaley

Liquors on Grand Avenue) that vodka
is the fastest growing
distilled spirit in America,
supplanting gin in traditional
drinks
like tonics and martinis. It's relatively cheap, mostly

devoid of taste (save for the cruel, cruel burn) and easily
mixable. There ain't no such thing as overexposure, because he ain't got time to bleed. Yes, I'm having formatting problems. Shove it.


2 comments:

Ilya said...

How inconvenient the facts are for your trumped-up advertisement. First of all, the article you link to states that super-premium vodka is the fasting growing distilled spirit. The growth of regular vodka has been "modest." Secondly, the article is from July of 2004. What has happened since then? As for Ramaley liquors, well, I don't know, I haven't worked there, but it is on Grand Avenue, which might explain the perception of Vodka's popularity. Whereas if one worked at Liquor Zipps in Seward, PBR and malt liquor would seem to be the trendy drink of choice.

Mandingo said...

Bitch, I did some further research to bolster my trumped-up advertisement. Vodka is the most popular distilled spirit in the United States as well as the UK. Yes, premium vodka sales are growing rapidly, and according to Adams Market Research, "The vodka category grew an impressive 6% in 2004, according to Adams Handbook Advance in 2005. The category did even better in the control states, up 7.1%." Why are we arguing about alcohol?